Trevor Lakey, aka @greaseball1987 on Instagram, is a guy running a parody account that comments on the most spectacular construction fails on the web. Posing as a “Certified Caulk Installer”, Trevor combines these images with his own witty captions that justify his terrible work as “expert construction”. Here’s some of the highlights:
#1 “I love it when my clients send me pictures of my work after I have left. It really shows how satisfied they are with the work!”
#2 “Generally speaking toilets are poorly designed, way too many twists and turns. I like to elevate the shitter as much as possible so when you’re dropping bombs it’s a straight drop to the city! Feeling like a Gargoyle up on your perch is just a bonus!”
#3 “Keep those pesky drafts at bay with a tight bead of caulk! Think of the energy savings! The more money in my customers pocket means more billable hours on my invoice “
#4 “Ever been walking down the stairs and found out that your phone needed a charge!? I have come up with the solution! The best part is there is a built-in seat while you wait for your phone to finish charging. Comfort and convenience are key in this business! Don’t feel like waiting? You can safely tuck the cord and phone tight up against the kickboard, and it will be safe and out of the way!”
#5 “Turning a 1.5 bath home into a 2.5 bath is surprisingly easy. I’m surprised more humans don’t do it! It immediately increases the value of the home…. not to mention the cost savings on the water; I can be dropping a bomb simultaneously as my friend yet it’s only gonna take 6L to send them home!”
#6 “I started removing this tub surround so I could prep for tile and my oh my it was my lucky day. There was already tile installed. After a quick tidy up I’ll be submitting my bill and then onto the next one!”
#7 “I always leave the barcode facing out. This way it stays clean and easily scannable when you decide to return the tiles.”
#8 “When installing vanities, I generally make a few reference holes so I can get my bearings in relation to the pipe. I usually get it in 4-6 holes, it doesn’t really matter if you go over though, as it’s the inside of the cabinet. When I’m done I caulk the holes so the rats can’t get through, and then toss a pack of sponges on top! In the end, no one is the wiser! “
#9 “Home Depot only stocks 8′ lengths of laminate countertops so I had to make up this extension. I love doing custom work because it is so satisfying when you take a step back and see a job well done! The average person would not have been able to pull this off!”
#10 “I’ve mastered the exterior cope, so I am always looking for a new challenge and ways to add a little pizzazz to my work. Here I opted for the double back cut corner. It’s a win on all fronts!”
#11 “You have to be careful when cutting into the structure. Always leave an inch at the bottom of the joist, this way it will retain its structure! By running this pipe through it, and spray foaming it all together the joist is stronger than when I started; stronger than the wood itself!”
#12 “Luxury at its finest. I added this soap shelf complimentary to the customer because we all know what happens when you drop the soap in the shower! You gotta bend over and pick it up, and nobody is having a good time doing that! I sometimes wonder if all these extra freebies I do are gonna crush my bottom line one day, my rates are so high though so I should be good!”
#13 “Customer safety is always a top priority of mine. With no hesitation, I always add a couple of extra screws to make sure the plates don’t fall off. Electrocution is a very serious issue which I do not take lightly.”
#14 “My customer wanted me to replace her deck with 1×1 deck tiles and she was ecstatic when I surprised her with 4×4 deck tiles. The customers’ reaction is why I constantly strive to outdo myself and exceed the high expectations that I have created for myself! And yes I built this deck a few years ago but she wanted a fresh look!”
#15 “I increased the size of this return air grille because I felt the existing grille was undersized! Sometimes you just need to return a little extra air to the furnace! Only way to keep it working properly!”
#16 “I’ve mastered the 90-degree corner so I was excited about the challenge of trimming this radius. I guess I’m a master of doing the radius also! Special shout out to Home Depot for making all these cuts for me!”
#17 “When looking for studs, I generally start as far away from my mounting location as possible and start sending screws home until I make a secure connection. Now when this satisfied customer is sitting back and watching re-runs of Two and a Half Men, they will remember how difficult the installation was, and will understand why my bill was so high!”
#18 “Customer refused to pay my hourly rate; instead he opted to pay per fitting. I was a little hesitant at first but I think this might be the better way to charge! I made a fortune off this job”
#19 “I don’t know about you but I have spent hours looking at dank memes on the shitter only to have my battery die! That is why I have decided to add outlets on all my toilets for charging purposes so I can keep the party going!”
#20 “I’ve mastered the exterior cope, so I am always looking for a new challenge and ways to add a little pizzazz to my work. Here I opted for the double back cut corner. It’s a win on all fronts!”
#21 “One of the shutters fell off my customers’ house. He asked if I could match existing. After all the excellent work I put out you’d think at this point humans would just know I can do anything. So once again I blew the socks right off the customer with my advanced set of skill”
#22 “My goal is to always make a splash and have my work stand out from the competition! I lined up this same pattern 3 times in a row, it is this kind of attention to detail that keeps me booking 2 weeks in advance. 4 rows would have been too much!”
#23 “Yep! I do electrical too! My kitchen was a little dark so I added some under cabinet lighting! It really brightens the kitchen up and I know I’ll see a better return when I go to sell the house from this and all the other upgrades I’ve done at the house!!”
